so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
