would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
