even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
