So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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