that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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