two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
