someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
