where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
