She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
