There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
