I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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