Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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