Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
