I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think my tv is drunk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
