I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
