Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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