he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
