After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
