There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
