theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
