i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
