u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
