i just had sex bonerless
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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