i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
