Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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