She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
