Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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