I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
