if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
