I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just pynch a tree in the face
I cannot find my penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
