Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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