I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
