The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
