hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the raccoons are back...
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