Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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