Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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