my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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