i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
