So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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