Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
