My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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