So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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