he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
