no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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