I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i now understand why vodka
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
