have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
