I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
