I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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