Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
