peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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